The Gentlemen Review

It was only a matter of time.

I mean, since bursting onto the scene with Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and the almost as good Snatch back in the nineties Guy Ritchie’s filmography has veered from the Ok I guess (Sherlock Holmes) to the too pleased with himself (Sherlock Holmes A Game of Shadows) to the massive bombs (The Man From U.N.C.L.E./ King Arthur Legend of the Bored) to the unwatchable (Pick one).

And now, after all that you head back to the UK to make a film that’s pretty much back where you started?

Well if i’d just been forced to spend a year working with Disney on one of the worst films of last year (Aladdin) I’d want to retreat to my safe space as well.

And bringing along half of Hollywood to keep you company can’t have helped.

Anyway, for those of you who haven’t seen Mr. Ritchie when he’s in gangster film mode (and you really, really should rectify that ASAP) you have a central plot thread- in this case a British drug lord (Matthew McConaughey) trying to sell off his highly profitable empire to a dynasty of Oklahoma billionaires leads to a massive cast of people all either trying to get their own piece of the pie or simply getting caught up in the actions of others.

Their fast moving, very well made and it’s just a joy to see the characters unknowingly affecting each other at various points and knowingly in others. If there’s one thing this guy can do- it’s keep a lot of plates spinning.

Most of this film is narrated flashback style by Hugh Grant (for reasons known only to himself doing a terrible Jonathon Ross impersonation) and by the time the scene is set the films pretty much half over. But it doesn’t matter as the cast are so varied and colorful that it’s just fun to spend time with them.

I mean yes, the whole thing feels like the scripts been written for the last twenty years and if your not into this type of film then this is probably not going to convert you and apart from a director getting back in touch with his roots and providing his fanbase with a nice nostalgia trip I’d struggle to recommend this over Lock, Stock which is better and can be tracked down online for a few pounds.

But the cast are having fun on set and there was something nice about watching a film like this with it’s dialogue and interlocking characters as well as it’s strong sense of black humor and well crafted story.

Round up some geezers, hit the bar beforehand and enjoy this throwback. Then go home and watch something better whilst hoping it’s not another 20 years before we get something like it again.

My Score- See It

Top/Bottom 10 for 2019

Well, that’s another year done on my inevitable trudge to the grave and to celebrate that fact here are my top/bottom films that I saw last year. As always, only films that played at least once on the silver screen in the United Kingdom in 2019 are eligible otherwise my bottom ten list would overflow by January 3rd and with that said….

Lets get this show on the road!

  1. The Irishman- Grab a blanket, cancel your weekend plans and check out what is arguably Martin Scorsese’s best work in years if not ever. Starring a who’s who of Hollywood stars past and present starring in a film about the life of a mob hit-man who might have killed Jimma Hoffa, taking place over decades and using the latest digital technology it’s epic and arguably one of the finest films of this incarnation of cinema. Don’t stream on on your phone, don’t ‘box set’ it over a few nights. Watch it in one hit and watch a master of his craft create his magnum opus.

2 Avengers : Endgame- I know, I know, it’s am obvious pick for the top 10 but the size, scale and imagination required to make it happen? Balancing dozens of characters, story-lines and the end of an era without spoiling it? A well as including some great action, humor and heart for an idea I initially scoffed at I’m wondering where they go from here.

3 Shaun the Sheep Farmageddon- Aardman with always have a special place in my heart but creating a hilarious virtually silent film using nothing but some Plasticine, insane levels of patience and a few grunts. I loved the characters (even if the main alien could have stood to look a bit more.. Alien) I loved all the moments I missed on the first, second and third viewing, a perfect way to introduce your ankle-biters to the wonders of the silver screen.

4 The Wolf’s Call- Great submarine movies are few and far between, but a submarine movie where you have nothing but sympathy for everyone involved? A submarine film which builds to an inevitable yet heartbreaking climax worthy of Shakespeare himself without clear hero’s or villains? A masterpiece and arguably the finest submarine film since Das Boot

5 Ford V Ferrari- A film that should only have been of interest to dads and Top Gear fans becomes an amazing underdog story with amazing performances, some great driving sequences and touching character moments. Someone is going to win something for this.

6 Godzilla: King of the Monsters- Big beautiful shouty monsters attacking each other for two hours broken up by some really good actors slumming it in glorious style. It’s a shame that this franchise will probably only last for one more film but it was great while it lasted.

7  Rocketman- Forget last years sanitized Bohemian Rhapsody this is an amazing, funny, no holds bared but at the same time fantastical view of the early years of Sir Elton John. And boy can Taron Eggerton sing.

8 Once Upon A Time In Hollywood- This is not the film that’s going to convert you to Tarantino but if you are fan of his, this is the man as his most… Tarantinoish. A love letter to the final moments of Hollywood’s Golden Age this shows why cinema needs auteurs like the man himself. Still haven’t found a spare week to watch the extended version yet though.

9 Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich- Skip to the half way mark and then set back for some of the most disgusting, sickening, repulsive yet awesome death scenes in cinematic history all carried with with practical effects driven puppets. I loved it.

10 How to Train Your Dragon 3- Arguably the best finale to an animated trilogy since Toy Story 3, this is a beautifully heartbreaking end to one of my wife’s favorite franchises. And yes, it does get bonus points for being a franchise with the nerve to actually, definitively end. Looking at you Toy Story 4. Which isn’t on this list.

Bottom

10. Serenity (2019)- Films like Serenity (2019) live and die by their twist and by film this twist is one for the history books I mean, I’ve watched that twist scene a dozen times and it still floors me. Outside of that it’s a bog standard film noir about a mans ex randomly turning up in his life and asking him to kill her new husband. As they do.

9. Rambo Last Blood- I like the other Rambo films but this just felt nasty and mean spirited. The finale was an even more homicidal version of Home Alone as Rambo took out an unknown number of unknown thugs who posed no threat to him. Rambo doesn’t take on drug lords, he takes on armies! This one just left a bad taste in my mouth.

8 Playmobil The Movie- A movie trying to ride the Lego Movie Franchises coattails, unaware that the Lego Movie Franchise is now dead and with none of the wit, charm and talent that it did have. The whole thing felt like a low budget kids TV knockoff and slipped in some of the worst song’s I’ve ever heard in an animated film. It grossed less than a million dollars on it’s opening weekend in the States and rightly so.

7. Killers Anonymous- How do you make a film about killers in therapy boring when any scriptwriter with the tiniest amount of talent could make that idea sing? Well, you get a bored looking Gary Oldman to literally phone in his performance, base your marketing around Jessica Alba then kill her off in the first two minutes and then have a plot that’s madder than a box of frogs as well as being completely incomprehensible and pretty much no action at all.

6 The Queens Corgi- Glossing over the fact that Her Majesty doesn’t actually have any Corgis any more and that this film featured Donald Trump for no reason other than to generate loads of free publicity, this is a badly animated, poorly voiced film with a few atrocious songs snuck in for no reason other than to pad the truly pathetic yet far too long 85 minute (including credits) run-time. Rotten Tomatoes gave it 0% and as far as i’m concerned that was too generous.

5) X-Men: Dark Pheonix/ Men In Black- Without the X-Men we would not have the current crop of comic book films that we currently do so it’s a shame that this vulnerable and unknowingly influential franchise die such a lamentable death, it was boring, dull, the ending was obviously re-shot and crushingly boringly dull. Much like the DOA soft reboot of Men In Black International which was apparently horrifying to work on and comes across as an incoherent mess which is a borind ,dull and one of several hints this year that finally the tyranny of hte comic book film might, just might be beginning to come to an end.

4 Wolf- I think this might be the worst British film I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen several Danny Dyer films! Whilst I don’t have an issue with Roman legionaries fighting Werewolves- I think it’s a story with a lot of premise, I have an issue with werewolf ‘costumes’ that looked worse than those in my local pound-shop, a soundtrack made purely from something that sounded worse than the lovechild of a vuvuzela and some poorly maintained bagpipes, an ending that was so sudden I’m still convinced that my local cinema wasn’t sent the final act. And they threw out the rules regarding their werewolves in the last ten minutes.

3 Hellboy- Simply the worst superhero film of all time and that includes Batman and Robin. A ticking clock plot that kept gaining extra time, truly woeful special effects, witless, charmless and apparently a nightmare to work on. It bombed and deservedly so.

2 Cats! What is there to say about this…. thing? A film so bad that even furries were disowning it. But, if your therapist can get you past the unrelenting army of nightmarish visuals, this is a terrifyingly dull film with very little plot, only Taylor Swift seems to be having any fun, it’s one good song has been available on CD for years and it’s going to kill or damage film alone so many careers. Not least Director Tom Hooper who was working on this film until literally hours before the world premiere. I do however have no doubt that it’s going to develop one hell of a cult following though. Also, as bad as this is, not for one, single, solitary second was it in contention for worst film of the year.

1 The Lion King/ Dumbo/ Aladdin- At least Cats! was trying to do something different. None of these films exist for any passionate reason. None of these exist for taking a classic film and putting a new, modern spin on it. I have spoken to hundreds of people and I have yet to meet one who prefers this to the original cartoon versions. These films don’t expand cinema, they stagnate it, they don’t do anything beyond sell tickets and provide safe returns for shareholders. But in chasing short-term gain they’ve hurt the medium- no-one seems to remember the tedious, obvious, dull Dumbo. The studio that made the nature documentary with unable to act animals has shut down, the actor that played Aladdin literally can’t find work! They took simple, classic films and stretched them, adding pointless details and subplots that weren’t needed, watering down things that didn’t need to be watered down, making what was once inspiring and uplifting dull and alienating. I mean I could understand these films being made if Disney were about to go bust and were in need of some quick cash but it doesn’t because DISNEY OWNS EVERYTHING including technically Pulp Fiction which should be added to Disney World any day now…

Just Mercy Film Review

Just Mercy is a plea for justice and mercy in a world which has none.

It’s based on the work of Bryan Stevenson, a Harvard graduate who chose to move to Alabama and work for a small salary to help examine the convictions of men on death row…men who in some cases were not guilty at all. And yet the system strained every sinew to keep them in jail, seemingly for the crime of their skin color.

How this hasn’t been nominated for Oscars I have no idea. Michael B. Jordan is incredible as Bryan Stevenson even if he doesn’t seem to have a romantic or social life outside of the central narrative. But by film, Jaimie Foxx completes his redemption back to proper actor as Walter McMillian, one of the wrongly convicted men that Stevenson attempts to save from execution.

One thing that got a wry smile out of me was that Stevenson keeps being told that the town he has come to is where To Kill a Mockingbird was written and that he should check out the local museum dedicated to it before being told about the latest breach of his clients civil and legal rights.

Yes, the irony goes completely over their heads.

Beyond that, sadly, this is a film that I’ve seen before and will, even worse, see again in the future and whilst it’s really well directed and acted there’s not really anything here that you haven’t seen before and yes, I smiled at the funny bits, had a tear in my eye at the sad bits and got angry at the bits that I was supposed to get angry at. But I wanted a few things explained to me.

Because the film is so focused (and rightly so) on it’s central outrageous narrative that the organisation that Jordan and Brie Larson (who’s character is in dire need of more screen-time and development ) seems to have new staff seemingly growing out of the mildew on it’s walls as we never see them hiring anyone. And, pretty much every character needs more development. This is one of the VERY few films that could do with another ten minutes on the run-time.

It also feels like it’s pulling it’s punches slightly with regards to the race aspect of this story. There’s one crank phone call at the start of the film and then it’s never really brought up in detail again.

Just Mercy is an incredibly well acted piece of cinema telling a tragic true story that sadly still happens today. How Foxx and Jordan aren’t up for Oscars I’ll never understand but I feel that had it taken it’s time to develop it’s characters a little more then it could have had more of the emotional impact that it’s clearly going for. There’s not much more it could have done right and I do recommend it but there were just a few little niggles that kept this from greatness.

My Score- See It

Bombshell Film Review

Bombshell is a 2019 American biographical drama film directed by Jay Roach and written by Charles Randolph. The film stars Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, and Margot Robbie, and is based upon the accounts of several women at Fox News who set out to expose CEO Roger Ailes for sexual harassment.

Given the subject matter, I’m sure you won’t mind if i’m somewhat more…. focused than usual as I in no way shape or form wish to trivialize what (according to reports) at least 23 women went through at the hands of just this one man.

And it’s a shame that Bombshell looks like being a financial bomb as it genuinely is a very important film even if at times it does feel like it’s pulling it’s punches somewhat with regards to where it could have gone and what it could have done/said.

I mean yes, Charlize Theron inhabits the role of Megyn Kelly so completely that for almost the entire run-time I was convinced that Kelly was playing herself, John Lithgow ( under ton of latex) is incredible as Roger Ailes but there my praise sort of stops.

The films starts in the tone of The Big Short, shredding the fourth wall in order to set the scene and then just drops the gimmick where I feel that actors turning to camera and confirming that this really happened or clarifying a point would have helped to drive the narratives point home. And maybe going for a grittier, more documentary style of shooting would have helped.

Robbie’s character is wasted as well, I mean I get that creating a fictional character is great to keep the plot moving and explore what happened with a relatively free hand but again, this feels like a slightly wasted opportunity as the film never goes as far as it could and indeed should.

Hell, even  former Fox News producer Julie Zann  confirmed many details in the movie, including having to do the infamous “spin” to show off their bodies to Ailes in private; Zann tearfully noted that reality was “worse than that” and the filmmakers “let Roger off easy”.

Bombshell is a good film. It’s impeccably cast and incredibly well acted but it needed to go further- if your going to use the same shooting style as The Big Short then go all the way with that, don’t be afraid to show us what actually happened as that’s what the plot of the film is about.

However, I get the feeling that the script might have been shown to perhaps one too many lawyers before shooting starts.

Add a touch more grit and this could have been a great film. Instead, it’s merely a very good one.

My Score- See It

1917 Film Review

Sometimes it amazes me that the last great First World War film that I’m aware of was 1979’s All Quiet On The Western Front and that’s a remake of a film from the ’30’s! I mean yes, in 2018 we did get the incredible They Shall Not Grow Old but that’s a documentary which you should see as soon as you’ve finished watching 1917 on the biggest screen you can find. (Subtle hint there as to my opinion of this masterpiece)

On the other hand, I can understand why I can count the number of WW1 films I’ve seen in the cinema on one hand and I’ve lost count of WW2 films I’ve seen because where it can be argued that there’s a certain level of moral simplicity to the Second World War, the First World War happened, in the immortal words of Blackadder because  “it was too much effort NOT to have a war.”

As such cinema tends to have left it very much alone which makes films about arguably the most pointless and counterproductive conflict in human history quite interesting to watch.

I mean not that its hard to watch a Sam Mendes film, the guy has an eye for making certain shots and moments looking look like work of art. I mean pretty much half of any Sam Mendes film are so beautiful that you could pause the film, print the image and stick what comes out on a students wall.

And 1917 is beautiful to watch, with occasional moments that take my breath away. One moment involving planes is worthy of Hitchcock himself and, thanks to this films shooting style it’s claustrophobic, tense, exciting, thrilling, the camera feeling like your actually there with our two hero’s, observing their struggles, their trials and tribulations, their moments of hope and despair.

As well as wondering which classically trained British Actor with an afternoon free is going to turn up in the next cameo. It’s a fun drinking game and pretty much the only light relief this movie has.

Although, the rather impressive cast list isn’t what everyone’s talking about. Nor is it likely to be the fact that this film has a lot of amazing practical effects or that they literally built almost a mile of trenches and out leads aren’t just going up or down the same 200 yards of set just with loads of different extras.

No, everyone’s talking about the fact that this film looks like it’s one continuous unending shot.

Looks like.

Yeah, unlike 2017’s Victoria which literally was one shot including multiple locations, genres, as well as multiple driving and action scenes, this is merely edited to look like one continuous shot making it more along the lines of Hitchcocks 1948 classic Rope or 2014’s Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) where were actually watching ten minute scenes mostly seamlessly blended together- one at the beginning of the third act was about as subtle as someone turning off a light switch.

The character’s aren’t exactly for the ages either, it was only when I clicked on IMDB that I realized our two leads had names and no-one else actually made it into my notes because I was too busy spellbound by the actual film itself. (Quick tip- less notes= better film as I was too busy enjoying the experience to actually write stuff down.)

The plots very simple as well.  Two young British soldiers during the First World War are given an impossible mission: deliver a message deep in enemy territory that will stop 1,600 men, and one of the soldiers’ brothers, from walking straight into a deadly trap. There are obviously no flashbacks, no monologues as time is of the essence, no scenes of the generals far behind the lines, it’s simple, streamlined and perfect.

You get a sense of this war from the ground level, a glimpse of what it must have been like to live in that time and location, it’s claustrophobic and tense. Yes, I have no idea what anyone in this film was called. Yes the single shot style made it seem like everything was right next to everything else. Yes, I wasn’t sure about the whole saving brother subplot as it doesn’t really add anything to the film and saving 1600 lives is surely enough motivation without adding in the possibility of an uncomfortable Christmas when you get home. Yes… it was amazing.

Mendes just keeps getting better and better and this film is surely one of the greatest achievements in cinema in the last few years. It’s use of actual sets and practical effects makes this feel more realistic than the best CGI can ever hope to do. The single shot draws you in from the first frames and never lets you go. It’s arguably the best war film I’ve seen since Saving Private Ryan and could be the best First World War film ever.

See this then go and watch They Shall Not Grow Old and realize the folly that was ‘The War To End All Wars.

My Score- See It Now. 

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Review

Kor kish, kor kish, kor kish, “Be careful not to choke on your aspirations. Director.”

Because if there’s one thing this film has it’s ambitions. Well, sort of. It’s got ambitions to be visually stunning (which it is at times) It’s got ambitions to reunite a fan-base (which it isn’t going to do), it’s also got ambitions to sell truck loads of toys (which it will) but it’s lacking in ambition in a few key areas.

Telling a cohesive story for example, I don’t know if there was a serious offer on energy drinks when the script was being written but this film just cannot keep still. It’s on such a rush to keep moving from location to location that there’s no time to settle in, understand what’s going on, or why this film is making what is in essence a very, very simple story seem incredibly complicated for no reason at all. I mean you could easily strip out half the plot, locations and (highly marketable) characters and not affect a thing.

Which is one hell of an achievement when you think about it.

Anyway, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… The surviving Resistance faces the First Order once more in the final chapter of the Skywalker saga.

And on one level it is final. With several actors stating that they will not be returning to the franchise, which I believe until Disney gets their checkbook out again in about ten years, there is a sense of the end of an era about this film.

There’s also the sense of quite a few more films being set up but where the similarly owned MCU has a cohesive narrative and always feels like it’s building up to something this new trilogy has just felt disjointed and thrown together which should not have happened with one of the most beloved franchises in cinema. I accept that there a fewer characters to base a universe around in Star Wars than in Marvel, but you can always make new ones.

You do know that, right?

Oh, and speaking of characters, if you are going to bring back old characters who allegedly have a role in the narrative THEN DO SOMETHING WITH THEM! Don’t just bring them back for seemingly the sake of bringing them back for the old timers to swoon and seemingly no other reason.

Which is just so frustrating when this film has some pretty good ideas. It’s got some horribly misjudged ones as well – especially one moment towards the end that just… phew… you’ll know it when you see it.

It’s just so frustrating because on one level it’s still Star Wars, you’ve still got the light-saber battles, the space battles, the aliens that are practical effects (although not as good as the ones in Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets  but that’s beside the point.) The cheesy moments that made me grin, the visuals that made me marvel were still there but this was just so unsatisfying as an experience.

It’s like gorging on candyfloss, yeah it tastes great and you feel really hyper at the time but then it wears off and you feel like you could have bought a healthier lunch and then you’ve forgotten about it in a week.

That’s what this film is like. It moves at such a pace that there’s no time to settle in and understand who’s doing what and why or even why people are doing what their doing because if I took a shot every time someone did something because the ‘force told them to do.’ I’d have drunk enough Baileys (I’m in training for Xmas day) to overlook the man, many plot-holes in this film.

Oh, and it wasn’t just me, Scriptguy went as well – he saw it in 3d with all the other children and didn’t really notice a difference other than, and I quote ”  It added depth to the huge scenery.”, I saw it in 2d as God intended and was fine with the scenery. Although Disney has sent a message to theaters urging them to post warnings to moviegoers that the film contains scenes with flashing strobe lights, which can induce seizures in those with photosensitive epilepsy. So just be careful out there.

Anyway, Scriptguy and I between us spotted several Plot-holes, some of which we didn’t mind but some we really did and actively impacted on our enjoyment of the film.

The narrative is somehow childishly simple and yet overly complicated at the same time to such an extent that I can see younger viewers being confused. It’s also pretty dark as well. Not just visually but tonally to the extent that I wanted to check that the director wasn’t operating after watching The Dark Knight a few times too much.

The cast is fine. I was reasured that unlike poor James Dean who will be starring in a new film despite the slight fact that he’s been dead for 64 years, Carrie Fisher was recreated by clever editing and using footage that had already been shot. I still don’t get the appeal of Adam Driver but he worked well in the film Daisy Ridely was incredible but along with so many other elements but their all. Just. Wasted.

Argh it’s so frustrating and i’m not even that big of a Star Wars fan!

This film feels like such a course correction after the reaction to The Last Jedi that it’s gone too far the other way. At least that had a relatively simple narrative and was a more cohesive experience. At least it remembered that if your going to have a ticking clock then reference it. Make the audience feel each precious grain of sand run through the hourglass as opposed to here where it’s sort of there but not really.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker needs to calm down. Strip out half of it’s plot points and a thread or two and use the saved time to develop character rationales and character itself! Make this feel like the end to a cohesive, structured trilogy and not just three films under the same banner, hire an extra lighting person or ten and allow this film time to breathe.

In 2015 I sat and watched The Force Awakens with my inner eight year old on full display grinning like a loon. In 2019 I was confused and saddened. I highly doubt this new trilogy will weather the storm of time like the first trilogy but it’s going to do a hell of a better job than the prequel trilogy.

My Score- If Nothing Else 

6 Underground Review

In the beginning there was the Michael Bay and the Michael Bay was good and made films like The Rock, Bad Boys and Armageddon which are all films I’m happy for someone else to die on.

But then the Michael Bay turned from a director with promise into the Michael Bay director that you know of today. And a great wailing and gnashing of teeth was heard by everyone who wasn’t a brain-dead undemanding teenage boy and even then there was still some minor feelings that film and indeed should be better than what the Michael Bay was offering.

And then following the utter, complete, unwatchable,  debacle that was Transformers: The Last Knight, the Michael Bay, fled unto Netflix and there, chastened and haunted by what had become of him  returned unto his roots and made a film called 6 Underground which showed that….

He had learned absolutely noting.

Because 6 Underground is the most Michael Bay film I can possibly imagine. And whether or not that’s a good thing depends entirely on whether or nor you can take Michael Bay looking at everything he’s made in the last ten years and thinking ‘meh, that was too constrained. Lets get Netflix to give me 150 million dollars and an extra large pallet of Cocoa Pops and let me show you what I can really do.’

Sadly, I was sober when I watched this… thing and as a result feel that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind because, were I to have been been blasted and ’18’ again this would be the best film ever.

But I’m not.

So it isn’t.

Which is a shame as this seems like a really good idea. 6 people fake their own deaths so that they can go and take down an evil dictator without having to worry about red tape. If your thinking this sounds a hell of a lot like The Expendables then your on the right lines just lower your standards a lot.

A lot.

More than that.

A little too much.

Just right.

I mean i’m all for action films starting with a blast but I really don’t want that opening blast to go on for twenty minutes, have absolutely no internal logic or even make fail to make sense. Or have unending levels of generic guys in suits and cars chasing our hero’s around for… I have no idea.

And from that start the film picks up and never slows down for a second. We have character introductions that even Guy Ritchie would call over the top, we (for the first half) have a timeline that won’t son’t sit still because this is a film that won;t sit still as if it’s terrified that if it pauses even for a second to develop character or even allow us to take stock of what’s happened or form any type of mental map as to what the location our hero’s are currently blowing up might look like, what number of goons are currently in the process of being unalived or even if their supposed to pose a threat or not.

Example, one of our hero’s was drowning to death and, where a film like Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation made it a tense and thrilling highlight of the film, here it’s just another thing that’s happening. No tension, no dread, no desperate attempt to rescue them as the air runs out, it’s not even the films primary focus at the time! I’m not entirely sure what the primary focus was, (aside from yet again pouring it’s female stars into yet another gratuitous slow-mo shot) it just wasn’t the desperate race against time that I feel really should have been.

But that would have required the film to actually to something that wasn’t an explosion, fight scene or car chase and as such had absolutely no chance of happening.

Which just means that after a while I got bored. I mean yes, there loads of practical effects which I liked but this film never found a reason for me to care about anything or anyone. Our villains never seem to pose a threat to the hero’s, there’s plot holes everywhere, and just for once I would like Ryan Reynolds to not play Deadpool. Because if he had donned his ladybird pajamas I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised in the slightest. I know you can act mr. Reyonolds. I saw you in Buried and Woman in Gold so I know that you can act and that not doing so is making you a lot of money but it’s just so tired now.

Everyone else is fine. I didn’t dislike anyone because I didn’t know anyone enough to care which is a shame as developed they could have been really interesting. I mean you had the regretful hit-man, the spy with a past that she regrets, the new kid trying to settle in and the others that were there!

The trouble is though, I still have enough 18 year old left to enjoy this film.

A bit.

I liked all the practical effects, I Reynolds has charisma to burn and Bay knows how to shoot an action film. But that’s all this is. The ultimate Michael Bay action film and whilst he’s toned down his product placement that’s about all the changes he’s made. The plot still needs working on. He still needs to develop his characters, he needs to understand that action scenes are tense and exciting when you have the first clue whats going on, take a breath every now and then.

Because if there’s a 6 underground 2 then I’ll be watching it but somehow I expected more from Michael Bay does The Expendables.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to re-watch that time a morally complex villain was defeated by Nicholas Cage and Sean Connery.

My Score- Skip It