Fix every single detail in your mind for all time.
Because this is the last film to be released under the 20th Century Fox name, before the name was changed to 20th Century Studios by Disney, after their acquisition of Fox and its assets.
Allegedly 200 other films were not so lucky.
But hey, as long as you can now engage in the philosophical debate as to whether or not the xenomorph is now a Disney princess, who cares?
Because DISNEY OWNS EVERYTHING and I fail to see how this benefits cinema in the long/ short/medium term
But… dragging myself back on topic and we find that seven miles underwater no-one can hear you be mildly interested. We also find that no problem can’t be solved without getting your female actors to climb out of their seemingly Warhammer inspired diving suits and run around in their underwear for a few minutes. At times it even gets a bit creepy.
Anyway, the plots that old ditty to which we can all sing along to… Humanity went somewhere it wasn’t supposed to go, did something t wasn’t supposed to and now… something has arrived to inform us of our mistake.
And this film knows why were here and hits the ground running- within the first two minutes- Kristen Stuart apparently remembering that being an indie darling doesn’t put Lamborghini’s on driveways and hoping to be in a commercial film that actually turns a profit is Ripley… sorry, Norah, who, whilst trying to brush her teeth (no seriously, that’s how we meet her- dental hygiene is important Dunkers!) is forced to condemn loads of off-screen unnamed people to death and then try to work out what’s going on and get back to the surface.
And there’s your film. It’s really… I’ll be kind and say ‘efficient’ with it’s editing as I get the feeling that this film didn’t have the largest budget ever known to man and more than once our characters seem to have been saved by the power of jump-cut rather than anything they’ve done but the body-count goes up at a fair old rate inventive and tense rate so I’m happy to keep my toys inside my pram.
With the exception of T.J. Millers annoying character I didn’t mind the rest of the people on screen and thankfully Miller doesn’t get much of the films lean 95 minute (including credits) run-time.
I liked that the monsters aren’t explained or even really seen clearly, they and a couple their mates just turn up and start wrecking things which is pretty much all I want from a movie monster.
Never forget that what you don’t know is almost always scarier than what you do.
And that’s about it. Underwater is lean, mean enjoyable thriller that hits the ground running and never really stops or lets the tension ebb away completely. I’m not really convinced that their habitat or Space Marine cosplay suits would be anything other than crushed in a heartbeat in reality or what anyone’s name is but that’s no bad thing in a film like this. It’s not likely to dislodge 1998’s Deep Rising as my favorite underwater monster movie but it’s a hell of a lot better than a film which was released three years after it was shot has any right to be.
It’s not the send off that this studio deserved or needed but Underwater is a fine film to throw on when you’ve got some mate over and just want to throw something on the background to have a beer or six to.
And sometimes that’s all a film like this needs to be.
My Score- If Nothing Else