Before I get started on the latest offering from Marvel starring a bunch of CGI and the anti-Tom Cruise, (an actor whose blandness is bent by the studio into any shape they wish, as opposed to using their blandness to bend the studio to theirs) pottering about in the one place that hasn’t been corrupted by capitalism- space. We first have to talk about film classification.
You see, some parents believe that their poor, innocent, ickle tykes have been traumatized that a film rated 12a (Which has permitted children under twelve to see films provided they are accompanied by a responsible adult.) So for them, let me just clarify,
15 and 18 rated films cannot be seen by anyone under those ages.
U or Universal films such as Watership Down are ‘Universal’ and suitable for everyone.
PG Or Parental Guidance films such as who Framed Roger Rabbit admit anyone, although the PG certificate contains an implicit warning that the film might contain material unsuitable for children.
And since Guardians of the Galaxy 3, Guard Hard With A Vengeance, is two and half hours long and directed by someone who’s got a background in horror (Slither) and horrible (Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed) director James Gunn has made a film that your 7 year old shouldn’t see but your 12 year old should.
Got it?
Now, on with the show.
I liked it, I liked it a lot.
I mean it’s an overstuffed mess with serval character’s that could go with no great loss to the film (Looking at you Adam Warlock looking like someone who was spray painted by Essex’s 2nd best spray tanner! When everyone else looks amazing.) And yes, it’s nice to see Malcom Reynolds back in space but erm…. Why was he looking like a Boobah? And given way, way too many lines for his one joke-character?
Whatever, it was very, very clear that Marvel just let Gunn of the leash for his last hurrah for good or ill.
And on the good, it’s nice to see the Guardians go up against an actual good villain for once in the High Evolutionary, who’s supervillain origin in the comics (according to Wikipedia) is that he’s from Manchester but here, he just sort of is. Which I like. No origin story, no sympathy, no redemption arc, just a moustache twirling villain with one eye on the nearest train timetable. Fantastic. I was starting to think decent villains were a lost art.
I also like the large practical sets, the toned-down but better in quality humour, (especially from Drax, a welcome relief after whatever they did to him in Guardians 2 Guard Harder) and the fact that this movie has a massive, massive heart.
I mean, the plots simple enough – a McGuffin hunt with a ticking clock… sorry I mean our heroes have to get a widget which will save Rockets life after he gets attacked by The Only Way Is you guys are getting paid.
It’s fun, with a massive heart, and Rockets prequel story could pretty much have been a fantastic film in it’s own right and is rightfully winning plaudits from all sides.
The actions good, I loved the dog but… The usual grumbles apply.
It’s too long. Another trip round the editing suite wouldn’t have hurt. If you go in blind then you’ll not have much of a clue what’s going on, everyone’s taken their invincibility pills this morning, it’s too long, there are too many characters and it’s way too long.
But it’s the best Marvel film for ages and it’s a sign that the reborn DCEU is in good hands with a guy who clearly loves comic book films and thankfully has a Dark Knight free top 5 superhero films.
Just leave your seven year olds at home, Ok?
My Score See It
danielsdunkings 