And lo, the broken man did cry to the film gods, “Send me something to wash away the memory of Hellboy! Something to remind me of how good cinema can be lest I be utterly defeated by three hours of Avengers Blandgame!”
And the film Gods did answer “We hear you our child. We present Red Joan, The true story of Joan Stanley, who was exposed as the KGB’s longest-serving British spy. It stars Dame Judi Dench and will calm you far better than the video nasty about possessed killer Nazi Puppets.”
” I, your humble servant thank you for this blessing oh great film Gods and…. wait, what video nasty about possessed killer Nazi puppets?”
“A reboot of a franchise maybe 4 people care about. But back to Red Joan…”
“Yeah, you guys have fun with that I’m off to go see something that mother most defiantly wouldn’t approve of.”
Because they just don’t make like this anymore and with good reason. If you told me that this was made 20 years ago and stuck on a shelf then I would believe you because this is a film with no redeeming qualities at all.
I loved it.
First up, this is indeed a reboot (the production team have weirdly stated that it takes part in a ‘parallel universe’ to the original franchise for no reason that I can work out) of 11 films, (ALL of which were made for a combined $4.23 million or 1 Blumhouse) two comic book mini-series, an ongoing comic book series and numerous other collector’s items.
None of which I will be going near because there is no way that they can live down to this.
And I do mean down because this is a truly nasty little piece of work which seems to be in competition with itself to see if it can top each death scene. As soon as you think you’ve seen the most over-the-top death in cinematic history, the film looks at you scornfully and goes “That? That was nothing, THIS is the most over-the-top death in cinematic history. Oh, you want a moment to catch your breath and process what you’ve just seen? Ok, I’ll just kill off this random character in a manner that suggests that thus budgets running out and their daily rate was just that expense too far. Oh stop looking at me like that. You know your loving this.”
Yes, yes I am. I just want to point out that Saving Private Ryan had a lower, less graphic body-count.
Now, normally at this point I would recount the plot but that seems like telling you about my tube journey into work last Tuesday. It was there, it happened but it’s completely irrelevant to why you’ve clicked on this review.
Fine, it was ok. I got a seat and finally watched Love, Simon (in two parts going and coming) It was really good and I recommend it but the delays on the way back…. Oh, you wanted the plot to the movie?
Well, in a parallel universe where everyone apart from 2 people seems to be a complete jerk Udo Kier (you know, that guy from Blade, Iron Sky and Command and Conquer Red Alert 2?) You’ll know him if you see/hear him was a dedicated Nazi who fled to the US and then made a living selling puppets that he can bring to life to enforce his beliefs… somehow and then he gets killed and thirty years later a convention brings all his puppets back to the house and this… somehow brings them all to life whereupon they immediately start killing again… for… reasons.
I warned you it was thin. In reality it’s – opening sequence, really cool wordless animated sequence using only the colors red and black, twenty minutes of filler and then blood. So. Much. Blood before the most obvious cliffhanger in cinematic history and the film ends.
If your in the mood for something gory to throw on in front of your mates after a beer or 6 then this is your film. If you want a deep think piece on the human condition then why did you think you would find that in Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich?
I’m waiting for an answer here….
Your main character is a comic book creator moving home after a divorce whereupon he immediately strikes up a relationship with the only other decent person in existence and they make a pretty cool double act. Along with an seriously annoying sidekick who gets some pretty cool character development along the way.
Oh, and did I mention the low budget means that there’s no CGI? Probably because the budget was… I have no idea but if i was above 100’000 dollars i’d be very, very surprised.
Sadly, the lower budget also means that the animatronic budget stretches to little more than an off-screen hand physically moving the puppet like a no budget film made by some kid on his smartphone. It works in context and also means that the puppets are way creepier.
Like I said, you have to go into Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich with a certain mindset (a certain blood alcohol level probably wouldn’t hurt either) and if you do that then your going to have a great time with it.
Once you get through the filler that is. I mean there’s making me not care about the supporting cast and then there’s making me actively root for the evil possessed Nazi puppets.
Make me care for the buffet a bit more and their deaths might have made me care as well as wince. But as is?
My Score- See It