Cell Review

After a mysterious pulse turns everyone who was on their phones into terrifying, savage not-zombies (there’s a Pokemon Go joke in here somewhere I know it.) John Cusack (Who I swear used to be too good for this sort of thing), Samuel L. Jackson (Who I know is too good for this sort of thing.)  and various assorted red-shirts decide to go and see if Cusack’s almost certainly dead wife and son are dead instead of heading to the Winchester, having a nice cold pint, and waiting for all of this to blow over like any sensible person would.

Now this is based off a book from legendary author Stephen King, which is the only reason that I can think of that got this damn thing got made, apparently with a budget of whatever the director could find down the back of his sofa.

The tone is all over the place. It tries to aim for this kind of gloomy, bleak, end of the world tone- all washed out colors, dismal soundtrack and VERY SERIOUS MUMBLED  DIALOGUE but then the hero’s set fire to a load of not-zombies and then somehow manage to blow themselves up. Or the fact the not-zombies look like people that were handed a couple of Alka-Seltzer and told to just go for it.

Mind you, I was slightly annoyed that this thing was unleashed in America on June 10!!! (On demand) or July 8 (Limited release). But even leaving that aside- there is nothing here to recommend. When I give this my lowest rating in a few paragraphs, I don’t want you to think that this might be so bad it’s good, what with it’s dodgy camerawork, overacting extras, bored leads and just general patchiness.

Because it’s really that bad. The few moments of fun are outweighed by  just about everything else. I can’t even recommend it to hard-core Stephen King fans as the ending was changed for the film. In fact, I can’t really recommend it for anyone.

Still, it’s nice to see John Cusack still getting work. Needs a new agent though.

My Score- Fire 

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