The Huntsman: Winter’s War Review

Cast

Credited cast:
Sam Claflin Sam Claflin
Chris Hemsworth Chris Hemsworth
Emily Blunt Emily Blunt
Jessica Chastain Jessica Chastain
Charlize Theron Charlize Theron
Sophie Cookson Sophie Cookson
Nick Frost Nick Frost

Plot- As two evil sisters prepare to conquer the land; two renegades – Eric the Huntsman – who previously aided Snow White in defeating Ravenna, and his forbidden lover, Sara set out to stop them.

Review-Kristen Stewart got booted out of this franchise after sleeping with the previous director.

So, who do I have to sleep with?

Because there is not one thing in this completely unwanted film that works. In fact, it might be arguably the worst fantasy film since Seventh Son (which featured the eternal line “I like boys.” said by Oscar winner Julianne Moore in a terrible attempt to be camp)

Where to start?

Well, not enough films begin with the (implied) burning alive of babies and feature not one, not two, not three, but four comic relief characters!?!?

About that baby, if you were expecting a nice fantasy epic the lines of Narnia with which to take the children and get away from the unpleasantness in Batman V Superman Dawn Of Headaches, then boy are you in for a bad time.

The plot makes no sense, the witches appear to have whatever power the scriptwriters deem necessary to keep the plot going , these include but are not limited to pregnancy detection, owl possession and creepy black tentacle things.

The ‘plot’ such as it is, sees Chris Hemsworth teaming up with Jessica Chastain in their quest to find out exactly where which part of Ireland/Wales/Scotland (delete according to scene) their accents come from. But this is interrupted when they are tasked to find the one mirror to rule them all and in the darkness bind them, which has gotten lost. And which will give the far too-classy-to-be-in-this Emily Blunt a chance to be acted off screen by a cameo of Charlize Theron.

The plot is dull and plodding with far too little action and one fifteen minute sequence a complete irrelevance. All the good bits were in the trailer, the dialogue includes such romantic lines as “I get thirsty too” and no-body seems to care.

Walking home, my girlfriend turned to me and said “If it wasn’t for Thor, I would rate this film as Fire”

I am under no such restriction.

My Score- Fire

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