Pan Movie Review

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Hugh Jackman Hugh Jackman
Levi Miller Levi Miller
Garrett Hedlund Garrett Hedlund
Rooney Mara Rooney Mara
Adeel Akhtar Adeel Akhtar

Review- To say that this film is a bloated, pointless mess, another symptom of a system that would rather place a 150 million dollar bet (probably closer to 300 when you include advertising) than release something original and unique is to do review the damn thing in 38 words.

The thing is, at least with Transporter Reloaded I can see how people thought it would turn a profit, (And it did turning in 32.9 million on a 22 million dollar budget as of this writing.) But this? How did anybody expect that this would turn a profit? No Peter Pan branded film has ever made anything near that type of money. Not Hook, Not the Disney version,not even Finding Neverland. 

But enough about the money that was wasted on this instead of a Dredd sequel. What is watching this like? Well, it’s got some very impressive video game cut scenes/action sequences, Rooney Mara wears a stupid hat, Hugh Jackman and that piece of cardboard from Tron: Legacy compete to see who can chew the most scenery, the soundtrack includes smells like teen spirit of all things and the plot….

Oh, the plot. How can I describe the plot to you? I’m not being rhetorical here- I genuinely have no idea how to describe what happens during this film. At best I could say it’s sort of like Avatar with  a bit of Phantom Menace thrown in and a sprinkling of a prophecy about a chosen one for good measure.

The film isn’t completely hopeless, there are some imaginative sets, the actions pretty good, and it’s bright and colorful enough whilst it’s on but….

Oh, and as to the boy who plays Pan? He’s OK, spends most of his time running and hiding, talking in a whisper, being as useful as a wet towel and as charismatic as my sofa cushions but that’s my opinion of most child actors. He was more tolerable than that insufferable wretch from The Visit I’ll give him that.

Walking out of my near empty preview screenings I felt confused as what I had just seen and why it existed. And from eavesdropping on the rest of the audience most of them felt the same. The hell-spawn next to me spent the entire time being very bored and fidgety, the film feels incredibly rushed at times and incredibly slow in others. It’s not the worst film out for the children at the moment but that’s not saying much.

At least Great Ormand Street got a nice donation out of it.

My Score- Poor 

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