The Transporter Refueled Review

The Transporter Refueled (2015) Poster

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Ed Skrein Ed Skrein
Ray Stevenson Ray Stevenson
Frank Senior
Loan Chabanol Loan Chabanol
Gabriella Wright Gabriella Wright
Tatiana Pajkovic Tatiana Pajkovic
Wenxia Yu Wenxia Yu
Qiao
Radivoje Bukvic Radivoje Bukvic
Arkady Karasov

Plot In the south of France, former special-ops mercenary Frank Martin enters into a game of chess with a femme-fatale and her three sidekicks who are looking for revenge against a sinister Russian kingpin.

Review- Was there an online campaign I missed?

Some rabid fan-base that was screaming out for the continuing adventures of “The Transporter?”

Or, did somebody in Hollywood decide that they could beat this dead horse and try to pick up some of that tidal wave of money that flooded after Fast and Furious 7?

But, I’ll be putting my conspiracy theories away for now, along with the fact that apparently Jason Statham wanted 11 million dollars (roughly half the films budget) to reprise his role as our titular character, which is why we got lumbered with… er… Ed Skrien (allegedly he was in Game of Thrones but then I think everybody up to and including my cat has been on that show.)

If it seems like I’m taking a while to actually getting to reviewing the film, it’s because there’s actually not much to review.

A suit that drives an Audi (Product placement for the win!) is roped into a ex-prostitute’s revenge scheme against her pimps is the best I could make of the plot. And to be honest that’s a pretty good idea for a rated 15 action film. With lots of chances for fight scenes, car chases, slow-mo scenes and a chance to look into the grey area between vengeance and justice.

And this film completely wastes it.

Ed Skrein has no charisma in any way shape or form. The villains are as scary as my washing up, the soundtrack is shockingly dull. And Ed Skrein has no charisma. Anything else?

Oh right. The action scenes. Did you ever watch the old Adam West Batman TV show where the actors flailed around the set like they were all dunk during an earthquake? Well, so had the fight choreographer for this film. It’s some of the worst I’ve ever seen.

Also, this film suffers from the same issue that No Escape had in that a side character (in this case Ray Stevenson playing the hero’s dad) has far more charisma, interesting backstory and screen presence than his son, hell, even during the movie he seems to be having far more fun and even being more effective than The Transporter himself!

AND on top of all of that! This film managed to get a 15 rating for no apparent reason. The violence is 12 a safe, the language is fine, there is nothing in this film which I feel warrants any rating beyond 12 a. And that’s not to mention that the film put out most of it’s stunts in its trailer.

So to sum up, boring hero, nothing plot, woeful action scenes, mediocre acting, dull chase sequences and they have the gall to want to make 2 more of these!

My Rating- FIRE 

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