Fantastic 4 (2015) Review

Fantastic Four (2015) Poster

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Miles Teller Miles Teller
Michael B. Jordan Michael B. Jordan
Kate Mara Kate Mara
Jamie Bell Jamie Bell
Toby Kebbell Toby Kebbell
Reg E. Cathey Reg E. Cathey

Plot- Four young outsiders teleport to an alternate and dangerous universe which alters their physical form in shocking ways. The four must learn to harness their new abilities and work together to save Earth from a former friend turned enemy.

Review- My mother always told me “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”

Sorry about this mum.

Because there have now been 4 Fantastic Four films. On made in 1994 (made for one million dollars,) one in 2005 (budget 100 million) one in 2007 (130 million) and this one (budget 122 million).

And every single one of them has been awful.

True, the 1994 was made purely so that Fox wouldn’t lose the rights, but it leaked and is pretty good in a B-movie kind of way.

This was released in cinemas and is borderline unwatchable.

Where to begin? This is another film where I have no idea on what the budget dollars was spent. It didn’t go to the script, which if your playing the cliche drinking game will kill you before the halfway point. It didn’t go on the action, which takes up about 6 minutes of the film. it didn’t go on special effects which are onscreen for even less. I can’t even say it went on star power!

The film follows the exact same beats as the 2005 film, except at some point Christopher Nolan appears to have gotten his hand on the script and nobody noticed. The film is incredibly poorly lit, with no humor or jokes to ease the tension. It all seems to have been filmed in two sets and a green screen with no love or care for the characters and their heritage.

Speaking of the characters, I can’t remember any of their names or what their personalities or motivations were. Nor did I understand why the film decided to take characters which have always been portrayed as adults and make them children who are in their early twenties at best.

To the films (very little) credit, I did like the way that the fours powers are presented as if in a horror film, with the three male leads expressing horror at their new abilities (but not Sue Storm, she just seems to be getting on with it.) And for the three seconds that the film remembered to have a villain, that villain was awesome.

However, he was only a super-villain for ten seconds. Because the pacing in this film is awful. The films 100 minute run-time feels like the first third of a super-hero film stretched to full length with a token villain thrown in at the end.

And make no mistake, this is the first third of a film, the second part is already good to go with a release date of June 9 2017.

Is this the worst film out right now? No. Because Pixels is still out. But it’s not far behind because at least I knew that Pixels was going to be woeful.

But this… it’s an joyless, effortless, charmless cash grab made so that Fox doesn’t lose the rights to the Fantastic Four.

My Score- Fire 

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